(The) Saffron Guild: A
group of fundamentally shitty people who try to hide their basic shittiness
through deployment of colorful imagery and flowery language. Guild members, AKA
the Saffrogettes (even though the majority of them are men),
specialize in attending the signing ceremonies of any deal struck with the
devil, hailing it as breakthrough, and castigating its critics.
Scaredy-Cat Anonymous –
a support group for the perennially insecure. Note: we work closely
with the administrators of (The) Tremblers Union: A global
service designed specifically for autocrats. Our members are already cowed and
reigned-in. You supply the fear. We supply the sheep.
(The) School for Advanced
Corporealology: The place to go for disillusioned etherealists.
(The) Secret Society of Mush
for Brains: We smoked it. We inhaled it. We legalized it.
(The) Shoeless Centipedes Brotherhood: We shit in private, but we are transparent about our fuckery. (In honor of Senator John McCain)
(The) Siblinghood of the
Guillotine: Though we are only seen during times of chaos, it’s in
times of repressive stability that we thrive.
Shitheads for Peace: We
don’t believe in rainbows.
(The) Sleaze Associates: We think so low
of you and so much of ourselves that we don’t even bother hiding or
camouflaging the true fucked-up nature of our intentions towards you.
(The) Society of Assiduous
Recalcitrants: Coordinating yesterday’s tasks tomorrow.
(The) Society of Designer
Autocrats: We'll oppress you with style, something that the hardened
onlooker and perennial obfuscator will really appreciate.
(The) Society of Free
Masochists: The largest unofficial civil society network in the Great
Middle East and North Africa Region. The Society of Free Masochists: we know
we’re knee-deep in shit, and we like it.
(The) Society of Fucking
Lunatics & the Fucked-Up Lunatics Who Listen To Them: Are you
fucking listening?
(The) Society of Habitual
Own-Foot-Shooters: We believe in the process of
healing and in seeking new beginnings. Endings are anticlimactic and dull.
(The) Syrian Pro-Democracy
Movement: Give us a decent chance, even if in the form of a fragile
ceasefire, and we won’t just bring hope back, we’ll bring the Dodo bird back.
(The) Society of Proud and
Morally Indignant Autocrats: We are despots and proud of it. We shoot
into the crowds we oppress. We shoot to kill. We are effective.. We are at
peace with ourselves and what we do. We don't take anything from our people as
some claim. The people, the country and its wealth are ours by virtue of our
dominance over them. What we do is give, we give security for the whole, and we
reward loyalty. We do not preach human rights and violate them. To us, rights
stem from loyalty, and a willingness to pay the price of our collective
security. We do not promote democracy one day, and indifference another. We are
consistent. All our prisons are Guantanamo, and worse. And all our prisoners
are guilty. Period. Consistency is all. Democracy is hypocrisy.
Society of Self-Righteous
Bastards Who Could Care Less About Being Consistently Wrong: So What?
Sykes-Picot Associates: Together,
we can always change your world, or make you think we did.
Syria – the country that used
to be: Too many coveters, yet few who actually gave a damn.
